Ok. Now that the all important test is complete... here I am. First off, to K: Yes, the color of this is strikingly similar to your site. it was the only one that I really liked, and until I get my HTML~lame ass in gear, it will have to do. :)

Oh, the first entry. What pressure. I mean, really. This is it, right? You will read this and decide right away whether to keep reading from here on in. Well, let me tell you something.... I don't care if you read it or not. Guess what? I'm not doing this for you!!! Bwaaahahahaa.

I'm doing it for me. And THAT, whoever you are, is a big weight off of my shoulders. You see, I'm quitting my Cyber-job today. I help to mod a website. And I haven't the slightest inclination to continue on with it. Whole bunch of reasons. Mainly this one, directly from my letter of resignation:

"I am tired of feeling like I am being held up to standards that I can not possibly meet. I’m weary of standing on pedestals that I can not possibly maintain balance on. In short, I’m exhausted trying to be the person that people think I am, or should be. I think you understand this, ________. At least I hope you do. What I didn't see until recently was the effect that the flattery/expectations garnered in connection with being a host was having on my self esteem. How could I possibly live up to this impossibly high expectation? Someone said to me recently in an email something to the effect of "you're a host, and I look up to you". And that brought it all home. I don't want people looking up to me like that and holding me to standards which I just can't meet. In the long run, it makes me feel bad about myself that I can't be all they think I should be. And who in the hell needs that?!!?!? Not me. I’ve worked too hard in my life to realize that it’s my own standards that I need to worry about to be backsliding into the mentality that I have to please everyone else. I just want to be me. That’s all. Not the me that people think I should be."

So, there you go. Right here, right now, I am declaring my intention to be me here in diary-ville. Just the me that I am. If you think I should be someone else, please feel free to email me. I will ignore your suggestion at my earliest convienience.

So who am I? Me. Kinda bitchy. Swears sometimes. Sometimes, I'm the sweetest person you would ever want to meet. And you know what? If you really want to know me, stick around.

Because THIS TIME.... It's all about ME.

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